TW: The following blog post contains personal experiences and reflections on overcoming body dysmorphia through a hiking journey. It delves into the challenges faced, the process of self-discovery, and the transformation of self-perception. If you or someone you know might find this topic distressing, please consider your emotional well-being before reading further. Remember that seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals is always an option. Your well-being is important.
Life’s journey often presents challenges that push us to our limits and provide opportunities for personal growth. Enter my Half Dome hike. What started as a physical adventure became an emotional journey, helping me change my thought processes regarding body dysmorphia and helping me fall in love with myself for the first time since I was little. Somehow this granite dome and the gorgeous landscape of Yosemite Valley became the backdrop for healing and self-discovery.
Body dysmorphia is a complex mental health issue that distorts one’s perception of their own body, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. I battled this silent struggle for years, my self-worth tightly intertwined with how I believed others perceived me. Years of yo-yo dieting and extreme bouts of overexercising and orthorexia fueled my overwhelming hatred of the body I was gifted. Snowboarding certainly helped me learn to love myself, but eating disorders and dysmorphia lurked in the shadows of my mind, as they never truly go away.
The decision to hike Half Dome was born after hiking Angel’s Landing. An attempt to secure a permit during the seasonal lottery was successful, and I now had something to work toward. When I attempted to exercise without anything to train for, I always fell into an unhealthy addiction. No goals turned me into a milage monster and a toxic PR chaser. Half Dome gave me a reason. As I researched the trail’s difficulty and gazed at images of the towering granite formation, I felt excitement and apprehension—I’d never hiked this many miles, nor had I challenged myself quite this way. Little did I know that this hike would be a turning point in my battle against myself.
The journey began with each step challenging my mental and physical limits. The pre-dawn ascent had me logging many miles on rugged terrain before most normal people awoke. I focused on reaching the summit, leaving little room for self-critical thoughts. With every step I took, I found myself more attuned to the natural world around me, shifting my focus away from my perceived flaws and toward the beauty of nature. I didn’t have time to think about how I looked, my thoughts only consisted of how hard it was to breathe, how tired I felt, and how I knew I needed to push through and persist.
As the trail led me higher, the breathtaking vistas of Yosemite National Park unveiled themselves as the sun rose. The vastness of the landscape dwarfed my insecurities, reminding me that my perception of self was just a fragment of the bigger picture. Half Dome stood as a testament to the grandeur of nature, and in its presence, I realized there’s so much more to life than what I look like. Moments like these are what I want to live for. I was so tired of worrying about how I was perceived and focusing on the wrong aspects of myself when there was so much about me that was incredible and awe-inspiring.
The final push to reach the summit was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done. I was anxious as I stood on the dome, thinking only of the descent. A surge of accomplishment overcame me once I completed the downclimb on the cables. The sense of achievement was not just about conquering a physical feat but about proving to myself that I could do anything. My tummy rolls weren’t a factor when I ascended the 400′ of cables. The farther I hiked that day, the more proud of the body I have I became. I walked in disbelief that my legs could carry me across this distance— a distance that beat my longest prior hike by 7 miles. I looked at my arms as I walked and only thought about how happy I was to have the strength to get up those cables. The journey had demanded strength, resilience, and self-compassion, qualities that began to replace the self-criticism that had plagued me for so long.
The descent from Half Dome marked a descent into a new chapter of my life. The journey back was not just a physical return but a mental shift. The landscapes that had seemed daunting on the way up now symbolized the hurdles I had overcome. Every step reinforced my newfound self-love, each stride a testament to my journey toward acceptance.
Each experience was so powerful throughout my road trip because I chose to make it that way. The moments spent in nature show me we are so small in the grand scheme. I hardly looked in a mirror throughout the almost three weeks I spent on the road. Now that I’ve returned home and sat at my desk to write this, I know my thoughts will never be 100% positive, but I can remind myself of the indelible strength had and how I moved the needle so far forward that day.
Hiking Half Dome became more than just a physical adventure; it transformed into a healing journey that reshaped my relationship with my body and self-worth. The journey reminded me that my body is capable of incredible feats, and its value goes beyond appearance.
While the battle against body dysmorphia is ongoing, the experience of hiking Half Dome stands as a constant reminder of my strength and resilience. I love hiking because I leave behind a piece of the self-doubt that once held me captive with every step. Being in the outdoors is so transformative. Look for the ways nature can help heal you or be an escape during your own journey.
